And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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