you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
