Me. At least after what I've been through.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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