You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
