you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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