GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
