yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
