I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
