I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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