just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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