Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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