A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
