i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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