Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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