I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
