Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
