he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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