you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
