I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Even my vagina gasped.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
