you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
