Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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