Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
