I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
