Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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