the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
