At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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