I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
