Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
