The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
