i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
