I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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