Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
