dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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