I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need water and some morals
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
