And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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