I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
