I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
