Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
