Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
