I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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