And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
two words...techno handjob
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
