Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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