I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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