Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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