my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
