Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I did not marry a roomba.
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