Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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