3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
