btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
