Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
