yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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