He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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