who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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