You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
