i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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