I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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