Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
kristin has been a bad kristin
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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