What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
