I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
