I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
