I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
